3 Techniques to Master the Art of Physical Touch And Seduce in a Fun, Non-Creepy Way
Probably one of the biggest questions as a dating coach I get is, “How do I get more physical?”
And I totally get why.
Sure, it can be a bit intimidating to say hello to a girl…
Asking for her number…
But touching her?
Whole different level of difficult.
Not only is the potential rejection more awkward and embarrassing, but the LAST thing any guy wants is to come across like a creep.
But unfortunately, there’s no getting around it.
Physical touch is ESSENTIAL when it comes to dating.
Without it, interactions turn stale and platonic, and all chemistry and attraction you’ve developed with the other person dies.
So you gotta figure it out.
But there is some good news:
It’s not as hard as you think.
In fact, it’s really only abnormal in certain cultures, like Anglo-America, Northern Europe, and Asia. In Latin America, the Caribbean, Southern Europe, West Africa, it’s a totally different ball game.
Go to any of these places, and you’ll see men and women flirting and touching each other all the time – naturally, with ease.
Over there, touch is a way of life.
Indeed, for most of the world, touch is a normal part of human interaction.
So just because we’re not used to doing it over here, it doesn’t mean it’s unnatural. Quite the opposite in fact. Humans crave touch – study after study has shown that even the lightest touch from a stranger makes you not only happier, but feeling fonder about that person.
So not only do we need to learn touch, it’s a pretty good thing for us overall 😉
But enough idle talk. I’ve got three killer techniques to help you make it happen, comfortably and naturally. Let’s check them out.
Technique #1: The Cheek Kiss
I lived in Argentina for a year. Argentina is a very interesting, cool country – a little bit of Europe, a little bit of Latin America, all blended into one. Nothing else like it in the world.
I highly recommend it.
Not only because it’s a beautiful country with beautiful people, breathtaking landscapes, and incredibly delicious food.
Because living over there taught me a lot about getting used to being physically affectionate and giving touch.
Take, for instance, their introductions.
When you meet an Argentine for the first time, you say hello, introduce yourself, and then lean in and give the other person a couple of kisses on each cheek.
(As for how many kisses to give, I have no idea. Apparently no one knows, everyone just sort of does what they want. Generally it ranges from anywhere from one to four; I recommend two.)
This tradition is rare in America and unheard of in Asia. But as innocuous as it sounds, it is, simply put, a game changer, for one incredibly important reason:
Interactions that begin with touching continue with touching.
If your interaction with a girl begins with close contact, it is incredibly easy to naturally reinitiate close contact later on.
Makes sense, right?
So unless you’re in a formal business setting, don’t go for the handshake. It’s stiff, and it almost seems to suggest that the interaction should be boring and distant. (Nine out of ten handshakes are attraction killers, and I’m not going to talk about the 10% that “shake” things up today).
Instead, lean in, and with one hand lightly on the girl’s side or back, give her a friendly kiss – one on each cheek.
Some girls will be surprised if they’re not used to this, so there might be a little bit of hesitation at first on her part. But if you’re comfortable with it, she’ll realize you’re just a friendly, affectionate guy in general (because you’re doing this to everybody, right?), and she’ll follow your lead and be just fine.
I stumbled upon this technique accidentally when I returned to the States. I was so used to doing it in Argentina I forgot that it wasn’t common here.
But once I saw the positive results, I never went back.
Your goal is to normalize touch from the beginning of the interaction, because if it’s natural then, it’s natural later.
And there’s nothing out there better for doing this than the lean-in “Cheek Kiss.”
Technique #2: The Angle
So you’ve set things up for physical contact to occur due to the “Cheek Kiss.” Good job. Now you’re in the midst of the interaction.
What to do next?
Get close, but not uncomfortably close.
The best way to do this is to position yourself to her side, like you’re on a 90 degree angle.
There are three good reasons for this:
- Gives you the ability to observe the room, which can provide great conversation topics
- Less intense than face to face
- Easier to engage physically
Reason number one is pretty straightforward. If you guys are somewhat side to side, you have a similar shared vision-field, and you can make comments on a shared environment. That’s useful for conversation.
Reason number two’s value, however, is a bit different. When you meet someone for the first time – especially if you’re approaching a girl – walking up to her directly face-to-face can be very intimidating. Unless you are an extremely dominant, confident person and she’s already a little besotted with you, this can be a little too much.
Coming in at an angle though is a different experience all together. It gives her some space to breathe. She can turn away if she feels uncomfortable, and both of you can gradually choose to invest more in the conversation as you enjoy it by pivoting more and more towards each other.
Frankly, it just makes things a hell of a lot less awkward.
But the final reason for “The Angle” is the real big one, and the one most relevant for our purposes.
Angling yourself next to a girl makes it way more easy to naturally and comfortably engage her in physical contact.
The truth is when you’re next to someone your bodies are already almost touching. Nudges and brushes are common, and during moments of rapport, even hands touching each others sides are normal.
This, like the Cheek Kiss, reinforces that physical contact is natural between the two of you. And so should you wish to take things in a romantic direction, because of The Angle, half your work has already been done for you.
Contrast this with sitting or standing opposite a girl. If you want to initiate some physical contact with her, good luck, because it’s going to be extremely awkward. You have a lot more of a distance to bridge, and even aside from that it’s a lot more intense to be a few inches from someone’s face rather than a few inches from someone’s side.
The benefit of The Angle is that it creates a much more comfortable environment for talking and for physical contact. It’s a perfect technique to implement at a bar or a party, and ideal at a restaurant if you can swing it. Just make sure you ask for the corner table!
Technique #3: The Power Play
Ok, so the “Cheek Kiss” started the physical contact and “The Angle” made sure it continued throughout the conversation.
But how to actually bridge that gap from platonic to sexual?
My favorite and (dare I say it) trademark move:
The “Power Play.”
Now a warning:
The Power Play is not for the faint of heart.
It requires some boldness.
But without question, when done correctly it works every time.
Here’s how you set it up…
At a certain point in your interaction with a girl, the conversation will die down. You’ve been talking, laughing; gazing into each others’ eyes, you’re close to each other… but both of you have run out of things to say. The tension in the air is palpable.
This freaks most guys out. And unfortunately, rather than enjoy the tension, they get anxious:
“I’ve got to say something or she’s going to think I’m boring!”
DON’T INDULGE THIS
Sorry dude, you don’t.
This tension isn’t just any old tension. It’s sexual tension.
And for obvious reasons it’s a good thing.
So rather than running circles in your head, get out of it and into the present moment. Maintain eye contact. Give her a little smirk. And act like the whole thing has played totally into your hands.
Maybe let out a coy, amused, “so…” all the while maintaining that smile and killer gaze.
But overall, just be there with it all, and understand that she likes you and you’ve got nothing to worry about.
Chances are, she’s going to blush, smile, maybe briefly break eye contact, trying futilely to think of something to say.
And that’s the moment you’re going to pull out the “Power Play”:
You calmly and confidently take her hand.
The fact is she’s interested. She’s ready for it. And she’s not going to say no.
Time to make a move and take the interaction forward.
The “Power Play” is a timeless technique. Men (and women) have been doing it since the beginning of time.
And it’s a must have in your repertoire.
Ideal places to try it out are in a bar or if you’re sitting snugly up against a girl. Ideally you want to already be physically close.
So if you’re at dinner with her and sitting across the table, you’re probably better off just taking her hand as you walk out of the restaurant.
It’s all good so long as the tensions still there.
Using the “Power Play” smoothly can take some getting used to. You need to have a “feel” for sexual tension and not mistake the uncomfortableness of it for something bad. Eye contact and how she’s angling herself towards you are particularly important things to keep in mind, because if she’s not engaged or focused on you, it won’t work.
But if she is, you’re golden. And you won’t ever have a problem moving things forward with a girl again.
Getting physical with a girl and moving that physicality from the platonic to the sexual realm is a scary thing at first. But the truth is, the process only appears scary because we put too much pressure on it.
The antidote to this pressure is to normalize physical touch from the very beginning of our interactions, and to continue it throughout them.
If touch is a normal part of our interactions, we don’t have to even think about it, and it loses its intimidation factor. The “Cheek Kiss” and “The Angle” go a long way to making this happen. But the “Power Play” is the move that takes us from the platonic to the sexual, and is the real trump card.
Just remember when you try it out not to lose your nerve. The tension is ok, because the tension only means one thing:
She likes you.
So go out there and try one of the techniques I mentioned today, and let me know in the comments how it goes.
“Pat Stedman teaches guys how to succeed with women from his 7 years of experience in the dating jungle. He’s currently married and enjoys traveling and writing about things that embarrass his mother. Find out more about him and how to date the girls you want at www.patstedman.com and on Facebook.”
PS: To read more about what I’ve written on dating for women, check out my article for Roman Fitness Systems: “How to Approach A Guy You Like Without Looking Desperate or Weird”