How to stop feeling stuck

A few years ago, I had a business problem. And I kept banging my head against the wall to find a solution.

You know that feeling?

When you keep thinking and thinking and thinking about something and yet no answer seems to come?

 

I was thinking about it so much, I couldn’t even see clearly anymore. And I knew that if i kept banging my head around, it wasn’t going to solve anything.

So I got up, went to my Kung Fu class, and cleared my mind.

And the minute I got out of the class, answers came rushing towards me.

Why does this happen?

Clearing your mind isn’t just cliche, hokey pokey advice.

Clearing your mind works because the reason we get stuck in the first place is we become too attached to our ideas of how something should be.

So when your mind is clear, it’s a lot easier for your brain to make connections that it wasn’t able to make before, when your beliefs and ideas were getting in the way.

But there’s something sneaker at play here.

Clearing your mind isn’t a one size fits all cure.

To really understand ‘stuckness’, you have to go much farther back in the process. In fact, you have to go to what your beliefs about being stuck are in the first place.

Most of us think that being stuck is bad.

Have you ever thought about why?

Think about the beliefs our culture has about ‘being stuck’. A few words come to mind:

  • It means you’re stagnant

  • Lazy

  • Unproductive

  • Can’t make a decision

  • Behind somehow

  • ‘Missing something’

  • You must be stupid when everyone else seems to be doing so well

 

Notice that it isn’t YOU who thinks being stuck is bad. There’s an entire STORY around what stuckness means that our culture fuels every single day.

Everyone around you validates this belief, which is why it feels so REAL.

But it’s not.

You can have different, and better ideas about stuckness so it doesn’t feel so bad when it happens.

Which starts with:

 

  1. Not labeling it as ‘stuck’ in the first place. The concepts you use to describe your experience become real, and affects your decisions about it. Stuckness can be an opportunity. It can be a stepping stone, or even a wise guide. Think about your relationship to this and what concept would help you more.

 

  1. Changing your strategy for dealing with it. If you don’t want to worry about getting stuck or feeling stuck, start cultivating it so you experience it even more. This sounds counterintuitive, but here’s the logic:

What should a shy person do if they’re afraid to talk to people?

Very slowly, over time, gradually expose themselves to talking to people more often and incorporate positive feedback so the shy person is encouraged to do it more. The key is that these small steps are in line with how the shy person wants to express themselves. Eventually, the label ‘shy’ will not make sense to them anymore.

Same with ‘stuckness’. When you embrace not having an answer and develop ways to cope with that (like clearing your mind, for example) you make the experience enjoyable, you learn how to cope with it, and even look forward to it because what you learn is so much more exciting than if you always had the answers. Eventually, you’ll wonder why you ever called it ‘stuck’ in the first place.

Just remember that ‘stuck’ is what’s happening on the surface. It is a cue to go deeper and find out what’s really going on.

Now reply back and tell me: what’s the hardest part about feeling ‘stuck’? What’s 1 thing you’ll try to deal with it differently?

Fel

 

PS: I do a very tiny amount of business consulting and coaching, and I’m interested in working with a few more people.

 

Specifically, here’s who I can help and have the most impact with:

 

  • Corporate women who want are working on or want to build a successful side business that aligns with who they are

  • Are interested in having a coach to help them think about and execute on strategy, marketing, copywriting, and developing the best offerings for their market.

 

But an important note on my philosophy and coaching style: the relationships I have with my clients are deep.

This means that we dive deep into your psychology on a consistent basis and look at the whole picture. From improving your focus and productivity, to increasing your ability to make clear decisions under high pressure. Our relationship is a combination of both business and personal–they can’t be separated.

To be clear, some people work a lot better with someone who says “Ok, do this, tell me you did it, and let’s move on.” That is not how I work with people.

The most important quality I look for is a hunger, and gameness to grow. It is the most important thing, and my clients that have it, make the most progress.

If you’re interested in talking with me and learning more about what a custom coaching program could look like for you, email me at fel@feliciaspahr.com with the subject line: ‘Business Coaching’ and tell me:

  1. Where you’re currently at with your business and what you’re looking to do [Ex.How do you want to grow? What have some of the challenges been?]

  2. If we were to work together, what 2-3 areas would you really want to hone in and focus on? [These areas can be for both personal and business]

If it sounds like we could be a potential fit, we’ll schedule a time for us to get on the phone and talk more.

I can’t wait to hear from you,

Fel

 

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