“I felt like she didn’t really care about anything I had to say”

“Stop talking, Felicia. She’s not listening to you.”

This was the thought I heard in my head as I was in the middle of meeting someone for the first time. It was someone from my network, who has a great reputation, and who I had already talked on the phone with before.

But in person, it was a different story.

Every time I spoke I felt like she checked out. Or, that she was waiting for me to finish so she could say what she wants to say.

Usually when this happen, I make it a point to think about if it’s something I’M doing. Am I just boring as hell today? Are my jokes truly awful? I have to take stock and be honest.

But this time, I knew it wasn’t me.

I know this because I observed it in her body language from the moment we met, to the moment we parted ways. There was only one moment where she took more of an interest, and it was because there was an agenda behind it.

Why am I telling you this today?

So many of us long to come off as charismatic and magnetic to other people, so we focus on all these things we can do like ‘smile more’ and ‘just be yourself’.

Do we ever stop to think about how we’re making the other person FEEL?

Do we ever stop to think that: Damn. When I looked at my phone during the conversation, how did the other person take it? Did they REALLY mean it when they said “It’s fine” or did they feel like second-string?

My firm belief is ‘charisma’ is about OTHER PEOPLE and how you make them feel about themselves. 

Let’s repeat that one more time.

Charisma is about how you make other people feel about themselves. 

Not, “what can I do to be more charismatic?”

So here’s what I’m sharing with you today:

I wrote an article for Business Insider about the 6 ways you can use charisma to be a stronger leader in your every day life.

In the article, I share exactly what you can change–from how to make the person you’re talking to feel like the only person in the room to how you can captivate people by asking better questions–so you can start coming off more charismatic, without changing a lick about your personality.

It’s just about changing the focus from ‘ME’ to ‘YOU’…

…and NOT worrying if being charismatic doesn’t suit your personality or if you’re introverted.


Because charisma is about how you make other people feel about themselves. Nothing more, nothing less.

Here’s the article for you to enjoy.

And after? Leave a comment below and tell me which one of the 6 strategies you’re going to try. They’re so easy to understand and do, I bet you could try it today.

Talk soon,


4 Responses to ““I felt like she didn’t really care about anything I had to say”

  • I heart the oh-so simple tweak of changing “how” to “what”. Such a tiny adjustment – yet a game-changing tool for in-depth and meaningful conversation (even in quick passing).

    I am SO doing this.

    BTW, Felicia – what was the most interesting part of your weekend?

  • Jess, it’s amazing what those small changes can do!

    Most interesting part about my weekend: a surprise visit from a dear friend who I hadn’t seen since my wedding!

    Your turn 🙂

  • The presence one is so big! It’s very distracting. I’ve been working on this a lot lately and what a difference! People actually hear what I have to say when I’m not tapping my foot, bouncing my leg, or constantly running my fingers through my hair! I also feel more calm so I remember more of the conversation for the next time we meet. Presence seems like a game changer.

    • Presence IS huge. And even if your presence ‘seems’ calm–aka, if you’re not fidgeting–it has a very relaxing effect on the other person. Big win.

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