What If It Only Took 1 Small Tweak to Make You Instantly Irresistible?

As some of you may or may  not know–and there is a good chunk of you who know a decent amount about my personal life–about 3 months ago I decided to start doing Kung Fu.

See Figure A for the outfit I wear 5x a week that never ceases to humble  me:

Untitled 7

But being that it is a martial art, there are a lot of ..’sounds’…that accompany the moves. And in a room full of mostly guys, this is what you hear for 90% of the class:

kung fu

But in order for me to get promoted–or get another belt–my teachers kept trying to get me to make that sound. And God, did I think it was the most ridiculous thing to do.

First off, I felt weird. I’m a petite woman and that sound would just sound STRANGE coming out of me.

Second, I thought I was ‘too cool’. ‘I don’t need to make sounds like that’–they should just applaud me for my skill.

And third, I just thought it was dumb! WHY do I need to do that? I thought. So I stayed silent as I did the moves, and resolved that that was that.

BUT…

My teachers kept wanting me to do it. And I tried a few times, and still felt awkward as hell. It just didn’t feel natural…at ALL. But then I started to look around and think…wait a second…is there something wrong with ME if I can’t make this sound like everyone else? I mean…I can do anything!…but I can’t make this noise?

Fast forward 3 months later…

I am now “The Girl Who Makes Noises”

In fact…sometimes my noise is the only one you’ll hear in the class! And yes, a class full of men who are 3 times my size and even THEY don’t want to make the noise.

Interesting, right?

But now, I actually feel really powerful when I make this noise. Also, I still get twinges of embarrassment. [I.e.–I must look absolutely ridiculous right now, in this outfit, with this tiger bear sound coming out of me]

But how did I bring myself to finally DO it?

Well, think about it this way…

You know how it’s ‘weird’ to practice working on your social skills and developing charisma?

And it’s JUST as weird to learn how to yell as you’re round-house kicking your opponent?

[Sidenote: I have an entire curriculum planned out for my children so they learn things school will never teach them. They will learn how to be charismatic, how to make money, and how to be happy, etc]

The #1 reason I was able to get through the totally awkward phase of doing it was to tell myself this: “I’m the girl who makes noises.”

Which is just like how my private clients might tell themselves: “I’m charming” or “I can get anyone to like me”. Even if at first they don’t believe it 100%!

The difference is in the PRACTICE…and actually having someone telling you to DO it.

Because let’s be honest…

If my teachers hadn’t looked me in the EYE and told me to make the noise and kept me accountable…pffft. Why would I have cared enough to actually work on it?

But it turns out when you’re paying for something, you have an end-goal in mind (being on track to get a black belt), and you have someone (or a group of people) who are invested in your success…amazing things end up happening. Like, a complete transformation for example. OR being known as ‘that girl’ in Kung Fu class who makes a lot of noises.

But Let’s Take This One Level Deeper…

…Notice that I felt the same way most of my clients and readers (you!) of this blog might feel sometimes when it comes to social skills and the art of “being yourself”.

Totally awkward. Uncomfortable. Not ‘myself’. Comparing myself to other people. Clamming up. And feeling like I was ‘missing something’ or just didn’t ‘get’ how other people were doing it.

And to call out a few elephants in the room, I know that if you don’t know me well, it’s hard to trust that I’m the one who can help you in this area of your life. People look at me and think “She’s attractive. WTF does she have to deal with? She has it made” or “She has no idea how I feel if she’s always been a ‘natural’”

I mean…how could I blame you? I would think the exact same way. It’s hard to see beyond what I’ve put in front of you. Which is a bunch of blog posts, videos, and me bragging about how I basically get whatever I want (mostly) because of my social skills. 😉

But look–this is why I offer up my most embarrassing pictures, stories, and mess-ups from my life because being ‘irresistible’ is actually about not being perfect. How bored would you get if I ran around singing: “La la la, I’m a pretty princess, look at all the things I can do!” I’m also a human with insecurities, fears, and I feel all sorts of emotions. I like to remember Hermoine Granger telling Ron that he has the emotional range of a teaspoon: People who pretend like all is well are actually the hardest to deeply connect with.

But this is why over the next week I’m going to show you how just ONE small tweak–in your conversations, your mindset, and how you approach other people can literally be the key to unlocking your way to being–literally–’instantly irresistible’.  You’re going to see case studies from actual people I’ve helped–both private clients and readers–and how they improved in as little as a few hours to a WEEK with things they had been struggling with forever.

The only thing I’m going to ask YOU to do is when I give you one small thing to do–which you’ll be getting on Friday–that you do it and report back to me how it goes. Obviously, I’m not promising miracles, but I know that you’ll feel a change, and see a result.

Here’s just one example of how I told Dominic M. to change how he approached conversations, and what his results were:

“Felicia asked what was my biggest problem, and I nominated how to approach people I was interested in talking to and how to keep the conversation going when it hits one of those dry patches when the current line of conversation has run its course. Her advice for both scenarios was to approach it like child and ask about something. So for approaching someone, what is it about them that caught your eye in the first place? Ask them about that. Or is there something that’s unique about them, a hairstyle, their accent, a piece of jewelry or clothing? Ask them about it. Small children never feel ashamed of asking questions as they don’t know anything so they have to ask about everything. Approach it with that mindset. Also for keeping the conversation going, do what children do and ask ‘why?’. So for instance, if someone has recently moved, you can ask why they moved or what they miss or enjoy about the new city they are in.

Felicia’s advice has significantly altered my mindset in social situations. Several times over the last week a conversation started to run dry, which would usually leave me stressed and scrambling for a new subject, but now I think back through what I had learned about them and ‘approached it like a child’ and asked about something, and then continued with ‘why?’. It has completely changed how I feel about conversation and my comfort level in conversations has increased significantly.

The interesting thing is that I’ve heard that advice before (ask about something that interests you about them), but Felicia framed it in a completely different way that made it easy for me to implement and I ‘got’ it. So no longer was it something artificial, it was natural and felt easy.”

Like I’ve said so many times before–the ‘secret’ to mastering your social skills and developing charisma is deceptively easy and simple. The ‘hard’ part is KNOWING what to do (for your specific situation)…and then having someone MAKE you do it. Otherwise, you’ll be like me and not wanting to make noises in Kung Fu. You just won’t care!…because you don’t know what you’re missing out on.

And DO you know what you’re missing out on?

Let’s just call out the one that can hurt the most: An amazing relationship with your #1 choice.

But instead..you settle for your second or third choice.

And none of this is ‘by accident’, by the way. I start getting angry when people forget that they CHOOSE the people who get to stay in their lives. None of this is because it’s what the ‘Universe wanted for you’. And it isn’t about finding the One, as it is about knowing that you found someone who loves you, gets you, understands you, and wants to create a LIFE with you.

That’s huge!

And yet…

Can I tell you how many people I know who are with their third or fourth choice–and they know it deep down–and they have no idea WHY? And do nothing about it? (Hint: they don’t believe they deserve any better, and thus, don’t have the courage to walk away)

Everyone hates to admit this (even me), but who you attract usually mirrors something in you. So if you keep attracting boring people, for example, there is a high likelihood that you perhaps don’t have much to offer people. You do–but you have no idea how to show it. Or you ‘think’ you’re showing it, but you’re coming off in all the wrong ways. And WORSE…no one will tell you what you’re doing wrong!

Instead, they will tell you things like this:

fb fel

This is the kind of relationship advice I got, too. Instead, I stopped reading Cosmo and ANY relationship advice in magazines and got into a long-distance relationship because I knew it was the right thing for me to do. What I learned there was how to attract the person I wanted (without  cradling my arms to make it look like I’m holding a baby so I’ll trigger men’s paternal instinct–thanks Cosmo) AND without thinking ridiculous thoughts like: “Man, this is hard! Must mean it’s not meant to be!”

Turns out you need social skills on a ninja jedi level if you want to make a relationship work. And not just ‘work’, but be fulfilling, exciting, deep, and enriching–which I know exactly how to do.

So before I leave  you today, I  have 1 thing to ask you:

I want you to reply back to me here (or tell me in the comments below) which of these do you feel MOST of the time in social situations and in your relationships?

  1. Completely clamming up and desperately trying to think of something to say
  2. Feeling unremarkable, boring, or not interesting or good enough
  3. Feeling anxious whenever you’re around people, which makes you want to run and hide
  4. Confused–about who to talk to, how to lead people, and how to connect with them on a deep level
  5. All of the above OR All of the above + a feeling I didn’t mention

And after you choose your letter–tell me: what does that feeling prevent you from doing? Or another way to put it…how does it hold you back? What do you feel like you’ve missed out on?

If you want your answer to remain private, just reply back to this email (fel@feliciaspahr.com). Most of you know I read all of your emails, and respond. If you’re comfortable sharing in the comments, I’ll see you there.

Stay tuned and look out for another email from me on Friday–I’ll be sharing an interesting case study and giving you something really fun, insanely useful, and immediately applicable to do over the weekend so you can start turning each moment you have into gold.

Talk soon!

Fel

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