What Louis CK and Game of Thrones have to do with charisma
Whenever I tell people that I ‘teach charisma’, the most response is: HOW DO YOU DO THAT?
And I always say the same thing. It’s easy…and it’s hard, too.
It’s easy for me to show you what it looks like, and how to do it.
But it’s HARD to implement.
There are so many things that get in the way–whether it’s self-doubt, self-consciousness, a certain person–to just having too much on your plate that you can’t even breathe let alone think about paying attention to your tone of voice when you talk to people.
Which is why today, I thought we’d have a little fun before the weekend.
It’s one thing when I tell you about how I’ve improved socially, or even what I’ve done with a client.
But it’s a whole different bag of burritos when I use absurd examples from Louis C.K. and Game of Thrones. Sometimes, I pick up the most absurdly insightful things from the bizarrest of places.
And all I want you to do for the weekend is to play with ADAPTING these 2 very critical ‘charisma mindsets’ after you’re done reading this. Deal? Let’s go.
What Louis C.K. Taught Me About What’s So Attractive About Charismatic People
Have any of you ever watched Louis C.K.’s show, Louie? If you have, you know what I mean when I say it’s DARK. And if you haven’t, all you have to know is that Louie’s show can be really sad and depressing, to the point where you’re like: “I hope this isn’t his ACTUAL life. But yet, I have a weird feeling it kind of is.”
There’s an episode where Louie is dealing with a fan drooling all over him, and in the conversation Louie jokingly dishes out some proverb that goes: “Say I don’t know, and you learn everything.”
And I stopped in my tracks when I heard that.
Because it came off in a silly way, it didn’t seem worth paying attention to. But I really let it sink in: “Say I don’t know…and learn EVERYTHING.”
This is a CHARISMA mindset.
Because the secret of someone who’s charismatic is that they always make YOU feel amazing.They don’t come in with an agenda, or try to tell you how great they are. In fact, they come across as humble, almost child-like. They could be an industry vet who’s been around for 40 years and you’d never know it because they seem so passionate and curious.
But it happens to everyone–getting caught up in being an ‘expert’ or feeling you have to always have an answer and know everything. I know that in some companies they HATE if you say “I don’t know”. I believe this is a mistake. Because when you say “I don’t know”, it is the OPPOSITE of being passive. You open yourself up to learn, and learn the better way.
So when you go into interactions with people, instead of judging them or ASSUMING you know who they are and what they’re about, you go in with: “I don’t know! Who is this person? Let’s find out” and you become passionately curious about them in a genuine (non-creepy, non-interrogator) way.
Thanks, Louie. You’re sad, but smart.
How Game of Thrones Can Teach You How to Read People Like an FBI Agent
I’ve recently become OBSESSED with Game of Thrones for reasons I’ll share in a future email where all I want to do is talk about myself. But today, it’s about you.
Aside from the badass lady characters and the incredible story, Game of Thrones is like taking Robert Greene’s 48 Laws of Power and setting it in this imaginary fantasy land. It shows you exactly how people betray each other, deceive each other, and seduce each other pretty much every second of the day.
I know–sounds dark, disturbing, and not useful. But it’s important that we look at all sides of the coin. There is a dark side to people, and if you’re aware of what that LOOKS like, you can avoid a LOT of pain and trouble.
So get this:
There’s a scene where this guy is thrown into prison because he was set-up to look like he committed treason. His worst enemy throws him in jail. Then his enemy basically says: “Admit you committed treason–even though we all know we set you up–and we’ll set you free.”
The guy basically says back: “I’d rather be dead than lie. What kind of life is that? I’ll rot here because I know the truth.”
Then his enemy basically says: “Did you think about your daughters? What will happen to them?”
Cut to scene where the guy ends up confessing his fake crime and he gets beheaded anyway.
But let’s look at WHY.
Charismatic people can read people’s intentions. This guy’s enemy saying “Did you think about your daughters?” is his way of appealing emotionally to this guy who refuses to live a lie. The enemy KNOWS this is the only thing that could break this guy and uses it to basically seduce him into doing what he wants, knowing they’ll kill him anyway. If the guy could have read his intentions, he could have come up with a different strategy.
This…is the stuff that people don’t talk about.
Because people don’t always say what they mean…
Because people have egos…
Because people abuse their power…
Because it’s VERY uncomfortable…
And all sorts of other frustrating and maddening reasons.
I believe we can’t change this. But there is a way AROUND this.
Imagine if you could detect a change in someone’s tone of voice and ‘read’ exactly what they’re thinking? What if you could have an uncanny sense of timing and know exactly when to say the right thing? Not based on magic, but by building the skill of knowing how to communicate and relate to people in a deeply moving, and impactful way, that’s not fake or inauthentic.
Next week, I have a VERY fun series for you on exactly how to do this, where we’ll dive much deeper into charisma and confidence–what is is, how to get it, step-by-step. It’ll be wildly entertaining, fun to learn, and I’ll be there every step of the way.
In the meantime, meditate on these stories this weekend. Which mindset will you try to adapt first?