Why is it so hard to change? (And what you can do about it)
I’ll never forget what my mom said to me on the phone the day I told her that I wanted to change my job.
“Felicia,” she said. “I spent 20 years of my life doing something that I didn’t want to do. And I asked myself: Do I really want the rest of my life to look like this? If you want to make a change, do it.”
At the time, I had a very ‘vague’ sense of what it was that I wanted to do. All I could describe it as was me having my own office, with a nice view, and a big computer I was tapping away on.
But even though that’s changed, I took what my mom said to heart.
Because I saw her, day after day, what it really looked like to be doing something you didn’t like at all. She was always tired, stressed out, and angry a lot of the time. It was hard for her to really be a good mom, and she admits that.
But I love that even though my mom was much older…had a kid…and was SINGLE no less…she decided to go back to grad school, get her masters in psychology, and now she has her own therapy practice. I have vivid memories of watching her on the couch, up late at night studying for her tests, and as I write this now my heart swells with admiration for her. She had the cards stacked against her, and it took her a while, but she did it.
But now, let’s talk about you.
It seems so simple to ‘change’, doesn’t it?
When we think about it, it’s like, yeah! Just…come up with a little plan…follow it like a little robot…and kaboom! Change.
But if it were that easy, we wouldn’t be stuck in certain careers, habits, roles, relationships, or ways of thinking and being for some…or all of our lives. We wouldn’t even be having this conversation.
It took a lot of freaking GUTS for my mom to say goodbye to money, go to school, and continue to forge her own path as a single mom raising a 10 year old.
But having a desire to change is just the first step. So many other things are needed. Like:
- Support and guidance
- Some sort of structure or plan (but not always–this is what I mean by saying change is more than having a plan)
- Skills to manage fear, anxiety, worry, overextending, flaws in thinking, lack of technical ability, lack of a strong foundation…
- I could go on!
Change is a pretty complex, nuanced, and constantly changing (!) process.
But why haven’t we been taught how to handle this more masterfully?
Wouldn’t our lives look completely different if we did?
Is it really BETTER for us that when we’re faced with change, we RESIST? Push it away? Keep ourselves stuck? Add fuel to fear? And limit our growth?
Of course it isn’t.
If we knew better ways…and if we knew how to implement those better ways…we’d all do it. I have no doubt about it.
But because it’s a lot more difficult in execution than it appears, I want to start a conversation about this.
I want to know:
- What exactly is it that you want to change [this could be in any area of your life]? [Or what have you been stuck on for a long, long time..that no matter what you do..nothing seems to be working?]
- Why do you want to change it?
- What is so hard about the change itself?
Leave a comment below and tell me. I have a lot in store to help make change a lot more enriching, more enjoyable, and fun to do that I can’t wait to share with you.